Do not be dismayed at the brokenness of the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.” – L.R. Knost
Geez, I don’t even know where to begin except with a Reader’s Digest condensed novel, quick and dirty for those who are new here! I launched this site in September 2019, thinking that writing blog posts would be the best vehicle for shining LIGHT and giving others something to improve their life and feel less anxiety and stress (being all-zen-and-shit) even if only for a few minutes.
If you’re here from YouTube, thanks for following the link! I feel grateful that you’re visiting beyond the video and its description. YouTube allows only 5,000 characters in a description, and as much as I appreciate everyone who reads descriptions, I LOVE ALL THE SPACE THAT I HAVE OVER HERE! My blog allows me to take you beyond the video.
If you’re a returning visitor or even if you’re new to my blog, you’ve arrived at a great time because we’re in the midst of a Tacos and Tiaras transformation. I’m finally DOING what I’ve been trying to figure out HOW to do for the past three or so years.
By 2020 I was getting off track because I seemed to have a more natural flow with making short videos of my progress with learning ukulele and bringing cheer to others, and by 2022 I had completely derailed. I neglected this site by putting more of my time and energy into videos to bring light to others’ day via YouTube and Instagram, which also entails supporting other creators, and I left nothing for myself here.
Here!
This site is where I was able to get out of my head and share whatever thoughts with readers, in hopes that whatever I was thinking about, or what I was going through or what I had been through, would make a positive difference in someone else’s life even if that difference was that they didn’t feel so alone.
When you feel you’re alone Cut off from this cruel world Your instincts telling you to run Listen to your heart Those angel voices They’ll sing to you They’ll be your guide back home
When life leaves us blind Love keeps us kind It keeps us kind
When you’ve suffered enough And your spirit is breaking You’re growing desperate from the fight Remember you’re loved And you always will be This melody will bring you right back home
When life leaves us blind Love keeps us kind When life leaves us blind Love keeps us kind”
The Messenger lyrics (c) Universal Music Publishing Group
We’ve read so many quotes or memes about kindness and the importance of being kind to others because we don’t know what is going on in someone else’s life. I have it on my being all-zen-and-shit page:
“…my basic guidance for being all-zen-and-shit is simple – living intentionally and choosing actions that are fueled by compassion, empathy, kindness, and LOVE – to treat myself well in order to do the same for others. My hope is that more of us can start with kindness to ourselves and let it spread to others.”
Soooooooooo much I want to say, but let’s focus on The Messenger and that “love keeps us kind”. One of my longtime friends reached out to me with a book recommendation after she witnessed how I navigated my mom’s brief illness and death. Val felt that James Van Praagh’s The Power of Love: Connecting to the Oneness would resonate with me. It did. It did so much that I have gifted it many times since then in hopes of its positive effect on those people. Take a look on Amazon.
When we use the power of love, we become aware of our place in our world and the cosmos beyond. We know our worth, and we value life and the lives of other living beings. We feel connected to one another as the light within us shines on everyone. We become divine messengers of the One Source, recognizing that we are not separate, but rather part of the Oneness of all life.” – James Van Praagh
I had not thought of myself as a messenger, but I am a messenger, sharing and reiterating ideas that are already out there, hoping to reach those who need the reminders and those who had not yet heard them. I share about what I’ve learned from my experiences, and maybe someone who’s going through or has been through similar situations will feel less alone.
While getting back on track, I’ve looked at my old Passion Planners and found little bits that I had written down… things I had forgotten about until I read them again, but I also realized they had become part of my nature and I’ve BEEN doing them.
One of the things that I ran across after I recorded The Messenger was in a Passion Planner from March 2021: “I feel called to teach LOVE over fear”. This idea goes back to James Van Praagh. When I started writing this post, I thought, “I still don’t know how I’m going to do this” but I guess I HAVE BEEN TEACHING LOVE over fear without realizing it! Making videos is like making movies, and the point is to SHOW don’t tell. It’s just been by example through actions not words.
I love you. You’re probably thinking, ‘You don’t even know me.’ But if people can hate for no reason, I can love.” -seen on Pinterest.com and TinyBuddha.com
I would rather believe in the existence of POSITIVE things – that people are good, that a situation will work out favorably – because the law of attraction will bring more of what we think and thoughts manifest into reality. I would rather BE KIND to someone and expect the good until they show me otherwise. And for those who’ve shown me otherwise, I remain kind. As I’ve said with being all-zen-and-shit, I let others think what they want, let others misunderstand me, let them talk badly about me because it reflects on them and not me. Their true colors will show as will mine. I’ve even walked away from money owed to me and chalked it up to the price of my own peace. In my mind the grifter was a charity case because I gave out of kindness.
I feel grateful for all of the kindness flowing. One of the quotes floating out there is to the effect of if you want more kindness in the world, put it there.
I feel grateful for getting over fears that would have kept me from SHINING my light and doing what I do, being the light, and doing the things that bring people to my channels on social media and writing the posts that bring you here.
I feel grateful that you shared your time in reading this. I feel grateful that you’re allowing your journey to include mine. I hope that as we travel a shared path in life, that we’ll be able to see why our paths crossed.
And Chester Bennington was right: “This melody will bring you right back home.”
“The Messenger” brought me home, and I feel grateful that I’ve gotten back on track although I see now that I was never completely off track. I paused to cast my net without knowing.
Here’s to allowing Tacos and Tiaras and The Lighter Side with Leenie to become a known source for learning compassion, empathy, kindness, and love so that many more people can live their lives being all-zen-and-shit too.
Accept everything about yourself – I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end – no apologies, no regrets.” – Henry Kissinger
Picture captured by the subject of whom I was snapping a few pics
Dear Mommy,
It’s still easier to type to you and just let the readers of this blog see what I have to say.
I just celebrated my 52nd birthday! While looking for some notable 52s, like 52 white keys on a piano or 52 cards in a standard deck of cards, I found something else:
“Some believe that the 52nd birthday is a time of when you are drawn into greater authenticity and become more like an angel on earth” or “Some believe that the 52nd birthday is a time of metaphysical rebirth, where you shed your false self and become more authentic.”
In September, Tacos and Tiaras celebrated our FIFTH birthday! I was all set to write a blog post, but Chief Daddy was still stuck in skilled nursing rehab… I couldn’t figure out how to make time for a new post, and honestly I really wasn’t feeling called to write. The post would not have been any different from the fourth birthday post (except for writing without reflecting on Jimmy Buffett’s death), and I knew that it would only show me how far off track I had gotten.
I left it alone, knowing that when I felt called to write, I would. And that everything that needed to be said would have already happened. And that I should allow instead of chasing. And here we are.
One of the things that stands out in the fourth birthday post is the last paragraph: “I feel grateful for another year of ALLOWING the flow because I arrive where I’m supposed to be and with everything/everyone aligned with my mission and purpose. And I feel grateful for everything that’s already on its way to me even if it’s still just around the bend and not yet in sight. 💜 🕯️ 💜”
When Daddy died in December, I felt both sad yet grateful. I said my heart would have been breaking except that I felt so relieved for him to finally be released from his earthly body. He didn’t really have failing health, but dementia was progressing. While he was in rehab, it clicked one day. We were approaching six years without you on this plane of existence, and I wondered if it was even possible that Daddy and I were given the last six years of his life to make up for the time we didn’t have together during the first six years of my life. You know that I believe that coincidences DO NOT exist.
We had a third and final appeal with Medicare about covering the latter part of his stay at rehab. I kept thinking of what Daddy told me after you died, how you had worked so hard for him to get 100% disabled veteran benefits before you died. We did our best to fight for him, and when I was speaking to the judge in closing, I told her I was going to be completely direct with her about the impact to Daddy’s welfare – if Medicare would not cover his stay, then it would severely impact his ability to live in a safe and nurturing environment.
I felt it after I said it. I had put it out there to The Universe. We needed Daddy to be taken care of, and going through this situation with Medicare felt like we were doing the same as you did for his disability benefits. We were speaking Daddy’s love language – acts of service. We love him and weren’t going to let rehab just have his money. I know you heard me asking you if you were proud of us.
On the day that Daddy died, the signs were there… signs that dementia was progressing again, signs that he was slowing down, signs that he wasn’t going to be around much longer… I just didn’t know he’d be gone four hours after I said goodnight to him.
And you know how deliberate or even OCD I am with making sure that departing words or hanging up the phone, my last words are always “I love you”. I want my loved ones to know without a doubt that the last thing we said was, “I love you”.
I know you and I didn’t have that in the hospital, but it was true of our last phone call before I left for India and before you were taken to the hospital that night. I don’t know if I even told you “I love you” in your final days. It’s been six years!!! And the same date of our last phone call was the same date Daddy died six years later. And I know for certain that his last words to me were “I love you” because as I was leaving, he said it differently. I had to look at him longer. I almost didn’t leave. Not that staying would have changed his fate. I just would have been there. But maybe it would have changed mine.
When I was in high school and taking voice lessons, you wanted me to learn Romberg’s “One Kiss” from The New Moon. I hadn’t thought about that song until the previous new moon at the end of December, and here we are again in late January under the energy of another new moon. And I didn’t know it at the time, but the new moon that peaked on 30 November 2024 was aligned with the start of a new chapter for me.
You’re still with me through every chapter of my journey. You came to me in a meditation and delivered so much affirmation about my path. I feel your love in aligning everything to happen FOR me, not to me. And that I still have choices to make and sometimes picking one choice means I have more life lessons to learn, but everything nudges me back on track.
I’m back on track. I mean, here I am WRITING again. Unapologetically authentic. Recently Huckleberry said, “Omg. You’re back! I love you!” because as she said, I’m more like my old self again. I was lost. I was stuck. You can see the pattern in the dates of my posts. It was all temporary. And I don’t know if this site or blogging is part of the next chapter. For now it is.
Departures make room for arrivals. I could have felt lost after Daddy’s departure because he was my anchor for the past few years while I stayed afloat, drifting in a harbor, casting my net without knowing that’s what I was doing.
Daddy’s departure made room… and I feel so grateful for what has arrived and what is still on its way to me. I feel conflicted when I cry because it’s sadness and joy at the same time. I miss you both so much, but I feel happy for you to be reunited on another plane of existence.
Thank you for all of your love and all the ways you stay present in my life, all of the ways you’ve delivered what I need, when I need it. Much like it was when you were alive, sometimes you send what I didn’t ask for because you know how much I’ll appreciate it.
Love never dies.
I feel the weight of grief and the lightness of hope.
