Do not be dismayed at the brokenness of the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.” – L.R. Knost
Geez, I don’t even know where to begin except with a Reader’s Digest condensed novel, quick and dirty for those who are new here! I launched this site in September 2019, thinking that writing blog posts would be the best vehicle for shining LIGHT and giving others something to improve their life and feel less anxiety and stress (being all-zen-and-shit) even if only for a few minutes.
If you’re here from YouTube, thanks for following the link! I feel grateful that you’re visiting beyond the video and its description. YouTube allows only 5,000 characters in a description, and as much as I appreciate everyone who reads descriptions, I LOVE ALL THE SPACE THAT I HAVE OVER HERE! My blog allows me to take you beyond the video.
If you’re a returning visitor or even if you’re new to my blog, you’ve arrived at a great time because we’re in the midst of a Tacos and Tiaras transformation. I’m finally DOING what I’ve been trying to figure out HOW to do for the past three or so years.
By 2020 I was getting off track because I seemed to have a more natural flow with making short videos of my progress with learning ukulele and bringing cheer to others, and by 2022 I had completely derailed. I neglected this site by putting more of my time and energy into videos to bring light to others’ day via YouTube and Instagram, which also entails supporting other creators, and I left nothing for myself here.
Here!
This site is where I was able to get out of my head and share whatever thoughts with readers, in hopes that whatever I was thinking about, or what I was going through or what I had been through, would make a positive difference in someone else’s life even if that difference was that they didn’t feel so alone.
When you feel you’re alone Cut off from this cruel world Your instincts telling you to run Listen to your heart Those angel voices They’ll sing to you They’ll be your guide back home
When life leaves us blind Love keeps us kind It keeps us kind
When you’ve suffered enough And your spirit is breaking You’re growing desperate from the fight Remember you’re loved And you always will be This melody will bring you right back home
When life leaves us blind Love keeps us kind When life leaves us blind Love keeps us kind”
The Messenger lyrics (c) Universal Music Publishing Group
We’ve read so many quotes or memes about kindness and the importance of being kind to others because we don’t know what is going on in someone else’s life. I have it on my being all-zen-and-shit page:
“…my basic guidance for being all-zen-and-shit is simple – living intentionally and choosing actions that are fueled by compassion, empathy, kindness, and LOVE – to treat myself well in order to do the same for others. My hope is that more of us can start with kindness to ourselves and let it spread to others.”
Soooooooooo much I want to say, but let’s focus on The Messenger and that “love keeps us kind”. One of my longtime friends reached out to me with a book recommendation after she witnessed how I navigated my mom’s brief illness and death. Val felt that James Van Praagh’s The Power of Love: Connecting to the Oneness would resonate with me. It did. It did so much that I have gifted it many times since then in hopes of its positive effect on those people. Take a look on Amazon.
When we use the power of love, we become aware of our place in our world and the cosmos beyond. We know our worth, and we value life and the lives of other living beings. We feel connected to one another as the light within us shines on everyone. We become divine messengers of the One Source, recognizing that we are not separate, but rather part of the Oneness of all life.” – James Van Praagh
I had not thought of myself as a messenger, but I am a messenger, sharing and reiterating ideas that are already out there, hoping to reach those who need the reminders and those who had not yet heard them. I share about what I’ve learned from my experiences, and maybe someone who’s going through or has been through similar situations will feel less alone.
While getting back on track, I’ve looked at my old Passion Planners and found little bits that I had written down… things I had forgotten about until I read them again, but I also realized they had become part of my nature and I’ve BEEN doing them.
One of the things that I ran across after I recorded The Messenger was in a Passion Planner from March 2021: “I feel called to teach LOVE over fear”. This idea goes back to James Van Praagh. When I started writing this post, I thought, “I still don’t know how I’m going to do this” but I guess I HAVE BEEN TEACHING LOVE over fear without realizing it! Making videos is like making movies, and the point is to SHOW don’t tell. It’s just been by example through actions not words.
I love you. You’re probably thinking, ‘You don’t even know me.’ But if people can hate for no reason, I can love.” -seen on Pinterest.com and TinyBuddha.com
I would rather believe in the existence of POSITIVE things – that people are good, that a situation will work out favorably – because the law of attraction will bring more of what we think and thoughts manifest into reality. I would rather BE KIND to someone and expect the good until they show me otherwise. And for those who’ve shown me otherwise, I remain kind. As I’ve said with being all-zen-and-shit, I let others think what they want, let others misunderstand me, let them talk badly about me because it reflects on them and not me. Their true colors will show as will mine. I’ve even walked away from money owed to me and chalked it up to the price of my own peace. In my mind the grifter was a charity case because I gave out of kindness.
I feel grateful for all of the kindness flowing. One of the quotes floating out there is to the effect of if you want more kindness in the world, put it there.
I feel grateful for getting over fears that would have kept me from SHINING my light and doing what I do, being the light, and doing the things that bring people to my channels on social media and writing the posts that bring you here.
I feel grateful that you shared your time in reading this. I feel grateful that you’re allowing your journey to include mine. I hope that as we travel a shared path in life, that we’ll be able to see why our paths crossed.
And Chester Bennington was right: “This melody will bring you right back home.”
“The Messenger” brought me home, and I feel grateful that I’ve gotten back on track although I see now that I was never completely off track. I paused to cast my net without knowing.
Here’s to allowing Tacos and Tiaras and The Lighter Side with Leenie to become a known source for learning compassion, empathy, kindness, and love so that many more people can live their lives being all-zen-and-shit too.
“If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.”
– Rabbi Harold Kushner
LOL I put up the Festivus Pole before Thanksgiving. 😉
Situations can change quickly. Without warning. We know this. Whether it’s from personal experience or being an outside observer, we see how everything can change quickly. We may have to change plans or cancel them altogether.
We can choose go with the flow or resist the change. To feel content or discontent is a choice.
With that in mind as I write this, at the moment while all is well, I feel grateful that my plans are to be in my home to celebrate the winter holidays. Chief Daddy is back in his house after a few weeks in the hospital before Thanksgiving, so I feel hopeful that he remains in good health and on the mend. The outlook is good.
As I was typing, in the midst of feeling happy about being at home, I realized I’ve arrived at a time of nothing to distract me from decorating this year.
And I feel more lost than festive.
I reckon it’s a part of grief, and I would have found myself in this spot last year if it wasn’t delayed by distractions.
The past two Decembers brought me to Virginia because of unforeseen events.
I spent most of December 2018 away from home. At the beginning of the month, I knew I would be away on business for a week (India Part 1, Part 2, Part 3) and planned to decorate when I got back. I didn’t know that when I returned, I would have a couple of days at home before going to Virginia where my mom was hospitalized. And when I packed a week’s worth of clothes, I didn’t know I would end up staying for a solid two months with only a short trip home before returning to Virginia to help my dad after my mom died.
Last year I dealt with a similar situation of being away from home for most of December because my dad was hospitalized in November then released from subacute rehabilitation five weeks later. I don’t remember much from last year except for Chief Daddy’s request that his kids and grandkids gather at Mommy’s grave to honor her on the first anniversary of her death. He wasn’t able to join us, but we gathered and my brother led us in readings and prayers.
Here I am in my house, two years after my mom died, and for two years I haven’t decorated the house for the holidays because I wasn’t home to do it. And even with as much gratitude as I have for being home and having looked forward to being home, I haven’t felt compelled to do even minimal decorating.
I feel good being home. I feel grateful to be home. “It is well with my soul.” But at the moment, no amount of gratitude will distract, detour, or stop me from traveling through another stretch of the path called grief.
The Festivus Pole is our annual pop culture humor and not really connected to celebrating the winter holidays. I usually hang our stockings from holders that sit on the mantle, but doing so means relocating my mom’s picture from the mantle; and I feel unready to make a temporary change even though I know I would take down decorations on The Epiphany in January.
I’ve grown accustomed to seeing her face every day, every time I walk through the family room. Mommy’s picture on the mantle has become a constant on which I can rely. I feel comforted from the visual that often conjures encouraging memories from when she would tell me what she liked or didn’t like about one of my poems or essays. I often look at her picture on the mantle when I’m searching for words while I write.
I remember feeling grateful to my mom for her understanding and being so accommodating when I asked that my little family celebrate the holidays with them in Virginia in mid-December so that my Keets could wake up in their own house on Christmas morning and see what Santa Claus brought overnight.
I remember feeling angry every time my mom called and said that my dad had changed and become more peaceful. She pleaded for me and my dad to reconcile after several years of not going up to Virginia to see my parents before Christmas. I remember feeling stubborn when I told her that if he couldn’t bring himself to call and invite me himself, I would not come to see them.
I remember feeling appreciated when my mom thanked me for taking the first step in clearing the slate with my dad. I remember feeling relieved that my dad was willing to let go, accept our differences, and let that be the change we needed in order to get along with each other instead of trying to make the other person change.
I remember feeling happy when my mom received her Christmas wish of having all three of her kids with her and my dad during Christmastime 2017.
I remember feeling protective of my dad on Christmas Eve Day 2018 when a waitress was impatient with him, but she would could not have known that only 12 hours earlier, his wife of nearly 52 years died.
I remember feeling strong when I went to speak with the waitress without losing my shit and asking her for her compassion when I explained my dad’s situation. I remember feeling connected to her when she revealed that her father died earlier in the year, and she and her mother were facing their first Christmas without him. Once we knew what the other was facing, we both showed more kindness and understanding to each other for the rest of that visit.
I remember feeling proud of my dad last year for making it through his first year as a widower. He adjusted and grew when I was convinced he was never going to change. But he did.
I feel grateful for memories… even the not-so-great ones. They led me to appreciate what I have in every way that one may “have” anything.
Our family has plans for a day trip to see Chief Daddy and visit my mom’s grave later this month. In the meantime, if I arrive at wanting to display the tabletop trees or hang the stockings or set out any seasonal decorations, I’ll do it. I’m going with the flow instead of trying to cram myself into others’ expectations that holiday spirit is reflected in decorations.
Whatever you have been through this year or even across the span of your life, may you give yourself peace this month. May you shine your light through compassion, empathy, kindness, and love for yourself first by finding gratitude for what you have, and it will shine for others who are having trouble with their own light.
