Compassion

No matter which aspects of George Floyd’s and Christian Cooper’s experiences I looked at, I felt angry, bitter, sad… and confused. I’m not even about to go into all of that because you can read articles and blog posts elsewhere.

What you can find here and nowhere else is my voice. My guidance. My gift. To you.

I spent a lot of yesterday and today in my own space… tuning out even some of my closest circle… too. much. noise. to. hear. my. soul. speak. truth.

Out of all the bullets on Being All-Zen-and-Shit, how do I begin to process racist behavior and responses to racist behavior without staying too long in the shadows? How do I share my thoughts while staying in my lane? How do I write about it and share hope? How do I use my voice without adding to the noise I was avoiding in the first place? How do I tell you what to do without telling you what to do?

I ask you to read this slowly. This is my voice. You have not read this until now; therefore, you do not know what is coming next.

Read this and please hear my voice…

and let me speak without interruption…

please be the active listener who picks up what I’m laying down and comprehends it instead of waiting for me to stop so you can start.

Before I go any further, let me reintroduce myself in identity that yesterday I realized gives you a better idea of who I am.

One of my favorite scenes in Disney-Pixar WALL-E is when he puts away all of his findings from his day surveying the planet. Everything is neatly organized, but when he goes to put away a spork, he pauses, looking back and forth between forks and spoons. He ends up laying the spork between the two groups. The spork is its own category of utensil.

I’m Filipino. Not black. Not white. I have my own group with our own history in both the Philippines and America. I don’t know what it’s like to be black. I don’t know what it’s like to be white. I can’t even fully relate to my kids’ experience because they’re half Filipino and half white (Polish and Irish ancestry for the most part). That led me to think about biracial/multiracial people coming from more than one heritage and their ability of not choosing one, not denouncing the rest.

I have felt out of place so many times in so many ways all of my life. Not just when it comes to race. And I know many of you can relate to that feeling of not belonging. All of us have our time of feeling like a spork depending on which utensil drawer.

Being a spork doesn’t put me between being a fork or a spoon. It doesn’t lay me between slots in the utensil drawer. It doesn’t force me to choose if I identify as a fork or a spoon.

I am a spork. I’m that utensil who is only classified as a fork or a spoon based on someone else’s perspective or purpose. But I’m still a spork. Maybe I have spork privilege in that I can set my ego aside to hear the fork point of view and the spoon perspective. And in the end, we are all utensils.

Most of my frustration yesterday came from witnessing insanity per Albert Einstein: “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Seriously.

I didn’t articulate my point very well when I piped up on Facebook about the numerous repostings from white friends calling out to white friends about what white people could do to help race matters. The article is from 2017. Yeah, the 75 things to do are a step in the right direction of taking action, and continuing to be actively changing is great, but it’s been three years. The post was published three years after Eric Garner died and three years before George Floyd died similarly. So if three years of the 75 things hasn’t reduced or stopped violence against black Americans, LET’S TRY SOMETHING ELSE.

I feel the need for a reset or a regroup instead of regurgitating the same old shit, but we’ve been trying to do it on a big scale. And we’ve been trying to force each other to do things or even speak up, which is another issue… Whenever I see someone criticizing others for their silence, and saying that if they don’t speak up, they’re just as guilty… that kind of “force” reminds me of emotional abuse. “If you loved me, you would (do this)” I feel sad seeing it because it comes from ego and failing to see the other person’s point of view or even being open to the idea that perhaps they haven’t figured out how to articulate their own message.

Not everyone dumps all their business on Facebook. Many of us still go about our business without spewing it on social media, so just because you didn’t read about it, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Likewise, just because someone isn’t adding to the noise, doesn’t mean they’re not working on their contribution to change.

When I posted about the 75 things, I suggested maybe it’s not about doing 75 things. Maybe it comes down to one thing. And I am saying this IN ADDITION to, not in lieu of however many fucking things you want to do that YOU feel will spark positive change. Don’t wait. Just do it before you lose that spark.

Spark.

Spork.

Whether you’re a fork, spoon, or spork, you’re a utensil.

We’re all utensils… We’re all humans!

You’re human. You’re YOU. The one and only.

This may sound ridiculously oversimplified, but it’s in our own authenticity and courage to shine our own light that we spark change and others catch on and the chain continues. This doesn’t fix everything overnight. But it’s a start.

When we are guided by our own kindness and compassion and cast ego aside, we do the right thing – the action that will benefit everyone for the common greatest good. In any situation.

Kindness breeds kindness.

You are not helpless when you embrace the power that is you.

You – with all of your uniqueness, your experiences, your light, and your shadows.

You have the ability to choose to set your ego aside. You have the ability to choose to remove yourself from the picture and look at it from someone else’s perspective.

You have the ability to choose to hear and see people as they are without prejudice or expectation.

You have the ability to choose to see yourself in others and treat them the way you want to be treated, the way you would want others to treat your most beloved.

You have the ability to expect the best in others instead of looking for the worst.

You have the ability to choose kindness and compassion.

You have the ability to make kindness and compassion your nature, not a choice.

You already know what you can do to change the world.

Be brave and do it! Not on social media, not in group texts/chats – GO OUT IN THE WORLD AND ACTIVELY BE THE GOOD IN THE WORLD.

Be YOU!

You have the answers within you – tune out the noise and trust your inner voice. Trust the guidance of the Divine – angels, spirits, deities… Trust intuition. Wherever you get inner guidance, trust it.

Trust yourself to do the right thing. Trust yourself to LEAD others to do the right thing. Not by telling them what to do. Not by forcing them to follow.

Lead by example.

We are not helpless when we use the power that is in our control – YOU are power. You are able. It’s your choice to shine your light.

We shine brighter together.

And by making time to hear my voice, WE are already changing the world.

Thank you.

I feel grateful to you for making time simply to open yourself to wanting to know what you can do.

Be you. Kindly. Compassionately. Lovingly.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

– Mahatma Gandhi

Luceat lux vestra.