Tacos and Tiaras

I'm just being all-zen-and-shit

Divine Orchestration

The Goldfinch Speaks

Divine Orchestration, Gratitude, Happiness, In Media Res, Luceat Lux Vestra, Simple Pleasures

Let me jump right in as if I was talking to you right now. Disregard conventional or formal writing because if I stay within those guidelines, I’m going to lose my flow. “Better beautiful than perfect anyway.” 😉

Earlier this week, I didn’t have my camera ready when I thought I saw an American Goldfinch. I hurried back in the house to get my camera, and the bird was gone.

This happened several times the past three days, and I had a good laugh with my friend, Suzie, an official crazy bird lady. I was able to snap a few pics of “yellow bird sightings” with my phone, knowing that Suzie would appreciate it because last week she lamented about an encounter with an Indigo Bunting sans camera.

Bird Babble with Suzie

Earlier this morning I decided to bring my camera out with me whether or not I planned on watching birds because it’s always those times of being unprepared that the “sought-after” birds come and visit. That’s when I caught a few shots of a pine warbler at a feeder.

So I had seen a female American Goldfinch as well as a pine warbler, but not the male American Goldfinch that I thought I saw on Monday. At this point, I was no longer certain that I saw him.

I was sitting here at my laptop after downloading bird pics off my camera’s SD card, feeling grateful for simple things, like bird watching, because my daily routine includes sitting outside first thing in the morning to listen and watch for all of my visitors. Please visit my Instagram account where I try to keep up with posting bird pics.

I felt pleased with myself for stopping my pattern of not bringing my camera outside. I felt grateful for the pics I took this morning.

And then I heard it. Outside. The series of chirps.

The American Goldfinch call.

It’s not the sharpest pic, but I feel happy because of what I learned in trying to be present when he comes around to visit.

I laughed and asked, “Why is everything a fucking metaphor?” Seriously. My week has been one amazing thing after another when I am allowing them to come to me and happen instead of trying to make them arrive on what I think their timeline should be.

And the calls or messages are out there waiting to be heard if I listen.

I’ve also been experiencing a lot of reinforcement regarding how I have all the answers within me. Again, I keep chasing those and want to find clear-cut or obvious answers to my questions. I’ve been realizing that when I’m having conversations with someone else even when it’s not exactly on the topic that I’ve had on my mind, my answers to my own damn questions to come to the surface. And I feel gratitude for the divine continuing to present me with what I need from within… building my trust in following divine guidance. I feel thankful for more assurance that coincidences do not exist and even some of the pieces that seem least connected actually do come together in a bigger picture.

Every time I consciously and earnestly say, “Thank you” I receive more for which to be thankful.

And it didn’t escape me that maybe hearing the call of the goldfinch was more than listening and following a call, both literally and figuratively. Maybe the American Goldfinch speaks and provides guidance in his presence alone.

Luceat lux vestra.

Letting Go: Full Moon Release

Divine Orchestration, Gratitude, In Media Res, Luceat Lux Vestra

December 2018 from https://www.calendar-12.com/moon_calendar/2018/december

Catching Up

I have felt stuck for two weeks.

I came home to North Carolina and had my usual adjustment period for new surroundings even though this is my home. I was gone long enough to “dissociate” from my own space and lose its energy. I was happy to be home, but I felt lost.

My family also celebrated my Keets’ 23rd and 21st birthdays last week. We had to forego the past traditions of going out to dinner, but spending time at home allowed us to focus on and appreciate what is at the heart of celebrating birthdays. When I searched for pics for birthday grids on social media and reflected on motherhood and their lives so far, I felt so many stories bubbling…

The past two weeks, it’s been hard to focus and keep up and find balance. I haven’t made time to meditate, so that’s been one practice missing and affecting my day… but I feel that changing. Sometimes it’s become about living and recognizing there’s more than the eye can see and finding the messages in the beauty of living. At least I still have my morning ritual of receiving guidance from my cards, which has remained with the fairy deck.

I also chose to knock out projects around the house and in the yard to eliminate them from pulling my attention from writing… that feeling of “I really need to get that done”… or “Let me just do that first”… It’s been both distracting yet grounding, so I’m not sorry for the break after the string of blog posts two weeks ago.

For the most part, we have beautiful weather this time of year. Trees have come into leaf, flowers are blooming… everything is coming to life. I’ve had my hands in the dirt, I’ve dug up a few rocks including quartz that vibrated, I’ve been visited by butterflies, dragonflies, and ladybugs. I’ve encountered worms and spiders, and even my inattention snapped back into focusing on what I was doing when I stuck my hands in an ant colony that I only noticed when the fuckers started biting. That was more grounding than I bargained for, but nonetheless it brought me fully in the present. I would have missed all of this if I just sat at my laptop trying to force something to write.

Getting Here

Today felt like jumping back into the rhythm of just writing something.

Anything.

Pick up the steps of the dance as though I never left.

After publishing Manifesting: New Moon Intentions last month, I felt the natural flow to share about full moon intentions and releases. I’ll get back to writing and publishing India Part 3… I worked on it a little bit in the past two weeks, but it wasn’t flowing… I wasn’t feeling it. Too stuck in my head. Too much chasing and not allowing.

As I sat here and came up with a working title, “Letting Go: Full Moon Release” something clicked. I don’t know how I overlooked it this long, but in typing “letting go”, I thought about my mom’s death.

You may know that when I speak or write about my mom’s death, depending on who is the subject of the sentence, I say two things:

  • My mom died.
  • Letting go of my mom sucked, but I felt her relief.

By the time we realized my mom’s death was imminent and she moved into hospice care, I just wanted her to let go of us when we told her it was okay to go. Seeing someone who’s stuck in a body with no quality of life, I just want them to have peace… comfort… relief… It’s not about me. It’s about them. Ego falls away because of love.

Letting go of my mom came easy. We had the gift of time since I was 12 years old, and she was first diagnosed with her heart condition. I wasn’t always kind or mindful of not going away mad… I’m human. As we got older and her reminder that “our days are numbered” (which became “we are on borrowed time”) was becoming more of a possibility on any day, we were better about treating each call and each visit with no worry for regretting our last interaction was shitty.

Typing “Letting Go: Full Moon Release” was the first time I saw those words all together from own flow. I searched for the moon phases of December 2018. I went to India on 5 December… my mom collapsed that night. I got the news on 7 December. I arrived back in the USA on 12 December. I arrived in NoVA on 14 December. The following week is a blur now, but I remember it being 18 December that she was permanently off the ventilator and 20 December when she moved to hospice. Mommy died on 23 December. It was a full moon.

The moon was kind to Mommy that night. The power of the full moon helps us to release that which no longer serves us. How beautiful is it to be released from a human body so that the soul/spirit/energy can be free? The freedom to be anywhere and everywhere… to be an angel for loved ones wherever they go…

In Media Res

It just occurred to me that Mothers Day is this Sunday. The second Mothers Day since her death. Sixteen and a half months since she died. I miss her, but I don’t miss her. I’m sure that may annoy some just like “it is what it is” does, but redundancy, duality, and some math word that I can’t remember are reality.

This week I could feel myself getting jumbled. Needing to get grounded and release. I’ve started recognizing my patterns that follow the moon’s cycle. I may not be able to tell you what day of the week it is, but I have a better chance of telling you what phase the moon is in on that day LOL

Preparing for a full moon ritual and making the most of it – I reflect. A lot. While maintaining gratitude for all that I have, especially all that I have received since the new moon, I also have to face other realities, such as letting go of negativity and anything that no longer feels aligned. Double edged sword. I find myself often releasing general fears, but first I have to let go of the fear of facing the really deep roots. It’s a lot like trying to fix a busted water pipe when you should shut of the water first.

The more I do full moon releases, the deeper I dig. I feel myself getting there… and it is less scary to face with a supportive spiritual family. I am so thankful to Amanda of Feeling Herd Healing, Clayton of Spiritual Medium Clayton, Natalie of Natalie Marquis: From Fear to Fabulous, and Val of Spiritual Sour Warrior Daughter for all of their guidance through their gifts. This past week, Amanda, Clayton, and Val all had reading or cards of the day that resonated strongly. Even my own card pulls all pointed to honoring the power of this full moon.

And on that note, it is time. Time to let go and make room to receive more of what I need to serve a greater good and higher purpose.

Luceat lux vestra.