A great marriage doesn’t happen because of the love you had in the beginning but how well you continue building love until the end.”
– uncredited internet thing I read
Today is my parents’ 55th wedding anniversary. Even though my mom big, fat went and died on Festivus 2018 and our last task of that year was burying her, I continue to celebrate their anniversary because their marriage produced my family. I may not have always felt grateful for my parents or my brothers, but I have so much gratitude now for my parents’ example of marriage and for doing their best as parents.
If you know my family or if you’ve read past blog posts, I’ve mentioned before that my parents’ anniversary is two weeks after they met. They were 30 and 35 years old, but I feel like the longevity of their marriage had less to do with their age and more to do with taking their vows seriously. Very seriously. They kept building on the love they felt in the beginning as well as allowing religion to guide them. Their commitment was not only to each other but also to God because they received the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.
…to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith…”
– traditional wedding vows
When I was growing up, my parents religious or spiritual aspect of their marriage wasn’t as evident, but when they became empty nesters, I witnessed my parents praying the rosary together nightly at home. I’ve heard the saying, “The family that prays together stays together” and as much as I still feel inclined to criticize my upbringing, my parents did something right in raising me and my brothers to love and care and look out for each other. My parents dragged us to the other siblings’ events, such as concerts and recitals. They treated it as understood that everyone in the family attends and supports that child, so it never occurred to me that there should be an option to stay home. Sundays without question was for going to church as a family, and yes, I still do not agree with everything from the catechism, but going to church as family came from the same foundation as their marriage.
A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”
– Ruth Graham
I can only remember one time that my parents had a disagreement that lasted more than a day, but I also feel certain that my parents had things that stayed between them alone, and about which I would know nothing. If their religion had as much of a role in their marriage as I feel it did, then their ability to forgive may also have been influenced accordingly.
I have past posts on Mercy and Grace. I can see how a couple would employ this in their ability to forgive each other because they’ve given a key role to God in their marriage and treat each other as they want to be treated.
…Mercy is God not giving us what we do deserve; grace is God giving us something we do not deserve.”
– CompellingTruth.com
Mercy and grace are two sides of a coin – and the coin is love. In the author’s own words, mercy is a compassionate love to the weak, and grace is a generous love to the unworthy.”
– Christianity.com
I may not know everything about my parents’ marriage, but from the outside looking in, they had no complex or extraordinary situations that would challenge the quotes above and how difficult it feels sometimes to forgive someone, including self forgiveness. I feel certain that my parents employed God and love to create a lasting marriage… ’til death do us part. Anyone who knows my parents also sees them as a couple who loved each other for more than five decades together on earth… and love never dies.
Luceat Lux Vestra.
