Warrior Woman Wednesday

When I woke up and went out to the patio on Easter morning, a large brown and white quill greeted me at the bottom of the steps. It was lying where I would not miss it, perfectly perpendicular to the steps like an arrow pointing north, and I felt like someone placed it there. For me.

When I shared a picture, my friend, Paige, acknowledged it with, “What a beautiful gift.” Until then I did not realize that like angel numbers, feathers may also represent spiritual meanings.

My immediate intuitive message from the feather was a reminder to write. To keep writing. Not necessarily with the quill and one of my inkwells, but to follow the spirit guidance Natalie Marquis received for me – I just need to write and let it flow…

allow…

no chasing…

no trying to make it this or that…

flow…

informally…

authentically…

straight from my heart because it needs to be out there…

Better Beautiful than Perfect…

I also felt the call to rise… to take flight… to shine… to listen to my mom’s advice:

“Keep working and keep shining because I am destined to arrive at where I want to be but I have to work hard and cannot give up so keep shining. Shining and sharing. It will come. Be patient. Believe. Trust. Love.”

– my notes on Mommy’s message from a heart chakra healing meditation, previously mentioned in In media res: I AM ON A BREAK!

Rising and Moving Mountains

“We gonna walk it out
And move mountains

And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again…

All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other”

– Rise Up, Andra Day (C) BMG Rights Management, songwriters Cassandra Monique Batie and Jennifer Decilveo

In March American Idol aired the episode with Courtney Timmons singing Rise Up. She showed up at the site only to learn it wasn’t an open-call audition, but she waited around with hope to be heard… Ryan noticed her and brought her up to meet the judges face to face because it’s harder to tell someone “No” if she’s standing in front of you. They made time for her, and she earned their affirmation, “You’re going to Hollywood!” Ms. Timmons inspired my Instagram post of my #freshflowersFriday roses and a quote:

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

– Paolo Coelho

Later when I was pulling cards for daily guidance from Radleigh Valentine’s Fairy Tarot deck, I received a message for a third time in a week, and I also shared in an Instagram post. It seemed that the fairies really, REALLY wanted me to hear it, and it remains relevant as I’m writing this.

“Look to the future with hope and optimism! The power of faith to move mountains. Happy changes that bring relief from challenging times.”

– The Star, Fairy Tarot Cards by Radleigh Valentine

When Katy Perry described Ms. Timmons’ entire audition as magical, that broke the dam – I felt the magic. Shit! Even Ryan was in tears and then Katy was crying… The magic of Ms. Timmons manifesting her dreams and the universe conspiring to help her achieve it… I felt so happy for her. My heart overflowed and spilled out tears. She gave me hope for manifesting my own dreams.

I just now looked through past posts to see if I had already written about Ms. Timmons (which I realized was just Instagram and not this blog), I ran across Pivot.

“I’m still climbing, continuing to ascend and watching the horizon expand. It’s a great place to shine brilliantly and let my light reach further than I or eye can see. 🙂

– Pivot, tacosandtiaras.com

Ascending

I’ve mentioned before how I have felt stuck when writing or trying to figure out my path. Shit! I’m still not even clear on the destination, but I keep asking for help from my guides… seeking guidance on digging in deep to hear my true calling and stay on track for its reveal.

Sometimes I’m feeling stuck because I’m chasing instead of allowing the path to come into view, or trying to fit in with an expectation even if it’s set by nobody but me. Yep, getting caught up in my my head instead of allowing myself to be led by my heart.

I feel a different kind of stuck with rising or ascending. If I were to talk about it, I wouldn’t be able to talk fast enough to get all the words out as they come to me, much like how I feel right now, anticipating that my WPM cannot keep up with my thoughts. Sometimes it’s not even about the speed of it… not when I have to pause because I get choked up and need a moment to be able to speak clearly instead of gasping, snotting, and bawling while trying to talk.

The Phoenix rising up from the ashes. Rebirth. I graduated from Elon College which was the Fighting Christians at the time, but now it’s Elon University with its mascot, The Phoenix, an obvious fit with the campus history and rebuilding after a fire.

I’ve learned how to rise from a fall.

I’ve learned to how emerge after a fire and rise.

I’ve learned how to rise to the occasion of my life. (Hmm… why is Fleetwood Mac’s Landslide coming to mind? “Can I handle the seasons of my life?” I’ll have to take a closer look later.)

I’m still learning how to ascend.

Ascension.

I didn’t really know what ascension is (or that’s what I’ve gone through time and again) until more recently when Amanda (Feeling Herd Healing) hosted a Facebook Live reading in early March. Val (Spiritual Warrior Soul Daughter) also was participating, and when I expressed that I felt like I’ve been experiencing “growing pains”, such as feeling out of place with people, including ones I was closest to, and both Amanda and Val acknowledged, “Ascension.” I noticed Val’s comment occurs at 33:33 when I reviewed the recording. The angels’ affirmation means everything to me.

I feel like everyone can relate to growing, learning, rising, or ascending in simpler terms, like when I was doing algebra homework with one hand holding a pencil and the other in a fist holding the hair on the top of my head while I rested my forehead on the heel of my hand, slumping at the dinner table almost in defeat. Almost. When solving for x AND y in one equation finally clicked, I forgot the pain of trying to get it, and celebrated the joy of arriving at the new level of understanding.

Ascending spiritually… gaaahhh I hear Defying Gravity through new ears.

“Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of someone else’s game
Too late for second guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap…

…I’m through accepting limits
‘Cause someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I’ll never know
Too long I’ve been afraid of
Losing love I guess I’ve lost
Well, if that’s love
It comes at much too high a cost”

– Defying Gravity, Stephen Lawrence Schwartz songwriter, (C) Grey Dog Music

Some of my ascension has been highly visible to others, a chapter bookmarked as my mother’s death. It almost ignores my gradual change of mindset that started in 2012 when someone mentions how I have changed since she died.

I feel like people see my mom’s death like I hatched, went from fumbling and fluttering, and finally to flying. They forget what was going on in the egg before I hatched.

They see her death as ashes… and think I’m rising like the phoenix. They miss the kindling and the spark that started the fire or the blaze as it burned.

My mother’s death didn’t change what’s in my heart. It’s what has always been there, but I was hiding. I changed my behavior, not my heart. It’s easy to dim our light and retreat when we’ve given others a peek, but they dismiss the divine or challenge us or try to debunk the role of something greater. Believing in a divine existence defies logic, but so does love… yet people are will accept falling in love, being in love…

I’ve had to let go of or distance myself from people who weren’t ready to face their own fears. I chose to let go of the weight because the call to see how far I could go was pulling with an irresistible light. Divine love. Love for myself but more importantly, love for humanity.

I wasn’t being all luceat lux vestra with the authenticity that my light deserves… that others deserve… so I can shine a light and help others find their way to their path… on their path…

And that’s where I feel like I’m in some kind of whirlpool instead of trying to hatch and fly or survive the fire and rise. Choosing love over fear to keep a grasp on a hold at the next level, letting love help me rise out of the vortex where I have been taking in everything the universe has given me, so I can ascend and a shine a light on everything I’ve received from manifesting and trusting and choosing to use positive statements and positive thoughts and writing run-on sentences. 😉

“A heart’s a heavy burden.”

– Sophie, Howl’s Moving Castle

The above quote may be true, except a heart full of love rises like a helium balloon. The anchor of fear is even heavier, and holding on to it in the whirlpool is what beats me and causes the pain – the pain of no longer fitting in, the pain of feeling misunderstood, the pain of being crammed into confinement, the pain of watching others feel hurt or sad or scared and trying to help them, but they aren’t ready to let go and make the climb.

I let the anchor slip out of my grasp and put both hands on the hold above me. I can’t say that I have moved a mountain, but I am standing on one now.

Once again from another post:

“How are you being called to step up and lead? Let your life be your message. A leader has the courage to go first and shine light on the path.”

– Work Your Light oracle PRIESTESS card

Luceat lux vestra.