Reflection

The only constant in life is change.”

– Heraclitus

Almost two months have passed since my birthday, which also means two months since my last blog post. I’ve had plenty to write about, but most of the thoughts I wrote for myself in my journal. Things were getting jumbled, and blogging about them would have rambled all over the place, more than usual… 😉 …and enough to be a disservice to you, my reader.

I really needed to sort things out for myself first. I refrain from thinking out loud too much here because a little snapshot of an incomplete thought process can be misconstrued, misused, misunderstood… even when the next sentence resolves things.

I felt certain that going with the flow would bring me back to my blog at the right time, and here we are.

This morning I opened my Passion Planner which has Monday as the first day of the week. Today is also the first Monday of Spring, and it’s been a while since I snapped a pic of the trees in my backyard. You may not be able to see the buds in the picture, but the trees are ready to come into leaf. The trees always have changes going on inside them, but we have to wait until it’s time for the changes to spring forth and catch our attention. Sometimes it seems like things change overnight although we know they were in the works for a while. I have not written a blog post in two months, but this is the part of my journey where you begin to see new buds forming…

This week’s quote in my planner is Heraclitus. “The only constant in life is change.” Reading that seemed to tie together my journal entries from the last two months, especially yesterday’s entry. I’ve reflected on the past year a lot lately. Part of it began with my birthday reflections, but the other part was because of my Passion Planner, which begins in March every year. Therefore, at the end of February, I had not only a month-end review, but also a year-end review. I also noticed that in my manifestation and meditation journal, I recorded my first new moon intentions in it on 23 February 2020.

I didn’t read through all of them, but comparing 23 February 2020 to 13 March 2021, I noticed the changes in how I wrote them – more details, more confidence, more gratitude – and I also could guess what must have been my priorities when I wrote them. Those change all the time.

In my journal yesterday, my evening gratitude from Saturday spilled into my morning gratitude on Sunday. I felt happy and grateful while thinking about how far I’ve come in a year. “I feel grateful to be who I am and where I am in life right now.” Even though I was in the middle of reflecting, I was also firmly in the present. I wasn’t letting the past or future pull me too far in either direction.

Something I scribbled in January while I was brainstorming: “YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF SOMEONE ELSE’S TIMELINE FOR ACCOMPLISHING THINGS.” How many times do we feel like we’re less than we are because we were guided by someone else’s standards for when we should have done something? Due dates for things like paying bills is an entirely different thing. When it comes to “life’s milestones” like education, marriage and family, career, home ownership… everyone’s timeline is different. Everyone’s path is different. Everyone’s way of doing things is different. Not everyone wants or pursues what I noted as life’s milestones. And even if they do, then is there only one way of accomplishing those things? No.

When I let go of a mindset that wasn’t even mine, I felt all-zen-and-shit. Yes, I have already accomplished some of life’s milestones, but there is more to life than moving towards the future on someone else’s idea of the timeline.

Preparing for the future IS important, but so is living in the present for the present before it’s gone. I want to look back on my life and see that I was living happily at heart even through not-so-happy situations.

Life is possibilities. If I try something and fail at it, at least I have the experience that eliminates one possibility. It’s not a mistake if it guides me to the possibility that IS the one that works out for me.

When I was growing up, I took violin lessons. I thought it was just an interest/hobby that my parents supported and wanted me to do well if I was spending time on it. After I graduated from college, my dad gave me a hard time about how I didn’t play my violin anymore… how I didn’t pursue music as my major… He felt like he wasted money and time on lessons because I was no longer playing regularly. If my dad had known violin wasn’t go to be part of my future, he wouldn’t have invested in it. I felt confused about why he didn’t see the value of it when it was my present. Taking lessons and playing in orchestras were the things that kept me busy and mostly out of trouble. 😉 I enjoyed rehearsals; I enjoyed concerts; I enjoyed the friendships with students I met from other schools; I enjoyed learning history through stories about composers and some of their famous works. I still don’t understand my dad’s position that an interest/hobby as a kid should become their future profession. I mean, look at youth sports! How many children go on to play at a collegiate level whether it’s intercollegiate or intramural? How many college athletes move on to play professionally? My point is my dad was so future-focused that he didn’t appreciate all the positive things that playing violin provided for me during my childhood.

My mom had the same future-focused mindset when it came to dating. Again, that was so confusing when it came to the concept of playing the field. To her it was always about settling down and playing for keeps. I mean seriously… getting too far ahead too soon! …especially when I was a teenager. When you’re dating, well yeah, you want to be spending time with someone with potential to go out with again and maybe even keep dating and either arrive at the end of the relationship or keep going whether married or not, but the future isn’t the goal. And even the relationships that don’t work out aren’t a waste of time. If we learn and grow from them, they’re not a waste of time. I feel grateful for figuring out what I want and don’t want from both the great and not-so-great relationships. It was so difficult to get out of the mindset, the one of thinking instead of living… the mindset that led to missing opportunities to just enjoy the pleasure of someone’s company because I already played out in my head that it wasn’t going to work out in the long run…

Happiness in the present matters so much because the present is certain and the future that has yet to arrive. Happiness now lays the foundation for more in the future. Law of Attraction and Law of Abundance.

I feel grateful that I live the opportunity to work part-time to help a friend’s business and freelance as a technical writer because it still allows me to enjoy time creatively through music and writing. When I’m happy and raising my vibration and sharing it with others, then it also raises their vibration… and we all shine brighter together.

I feel grateful to be mindfully going with the flow because every day of joy and gratitude becomes a memory of feeling happy and content. And every high vibration invites more for the present and future.

Because I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man.”

– Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Luceat lux vestra.