Ruts and Rollercoasters

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right for you’ll be criticized anyway.”

– Eleanor Roosevelt

WARNING: My in media res posts may come off as “Dear Diary” moments, so to anyone who “gets it” and keeps reading, I appreciate YOU. And if right now you’re reading it but not “feeling it”, please come back when you’re ready. Let YOUR light shine, and I will welcome you to shine brighter together with me and those of us who are finding our way to each other.

I do not even know where to start except in media res while I reflect on yesterday and today, which in Leenie Land is Tacos and Tiaras Tuesday and Warrior Woman Wednesday. Usually I would let this stay stuck in my head, but today I was communicating with several people separately and had so much to say that would end up with me repeating myself…

…so here it is. For all of you making time to read it (and I appreciate your time very much)! And if you reach a point in this post where it feels uncanny how it rings true for you or if you feel certain any of your friends need to hear this, please share it. Pretty please.

I have felt reluctant to post anything this week because of Mercury in retrograde (or as I started less-than-affectionately calling it, H8rade/haterade) and all the shit that goes awry, such as misunderstandings in communication; therefore, I heeded the call to do some grounding and planning. (Keep reading for more about that.)

I have yet to tell the full story of visiting India in December 2018, but that was THE one time I felt compelled to describe an experience as
s u r r e a l ,
and today I’m getting that same feeling… that same awe over how divine orchestrations have felt in the past week of ruts and rollercoasters.

If this post looks like it’s going to be a TLDR, then please trust my point:

“Everything happens when it is supposed to by divine orchestration. Coincidences do not exist, and you can’t tell me otherwise. So there! LOL

– Leenie

This time last week, I had to get out of my head, and by Thursday, I purged one of the annoying weights via Do the Damn Thing NOW. Besides feeling lighter from getting it out of my system, the post yielded the most hits in its first 24 hours compared to any of my posts so far. Hell yeah my light was shining brighter, and everyone who read it and could relate to it started shining brighter, and everyone who shared that post helped to raise the vibration, and all was right in the world again. (And yes that was an intentional run-on sentence because if you hear my voice, I was talking pretty fast.) 😉

2020-02-20 – I am laughing because I know others think I sound crazy… that everything I chalk up to divine orchestration has logical explanation. ~shrug~ Yeah… Maybe… I see that too. I have been there too. I have been a “just guy” per Mahoney in Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium. HOWEVER (yes, yes… using Rachel Green’s “fancy but”) in the past dozen years, when I allow myself to accept the advice from “my little voice” telling me “This is NOT coincidence”, the better things flow to me.

Last night I was DETERMINED that I was going to publish this post, but I was getting tired and took a break to refill my water tumbler and trying to decide if it was worth it to stay up into the wee hours of the morning. I also opened Facebook, and the first post in my news feed felt like I was meant to see it… the guidance I needed most at that moment.

“Fall asleep tonight…

with nothing but
love and forgiveness in your heart.
What’s meant for you will be for you
tomorrow and the day after. Trust
your journey. Rest your soul.”

– Motivates Soul

So I allowed myself to take the advice, then I went over to post on Instagram because I had to throw some digital breadcrumbs out there between that IG post and this blog post, shut my laptop, and went to sleep.

ARGH!!! I hope your seatbelt is on because I already know this is going all over the place. Time isn’t always linear. Time doesn’t stop… Leenie Brain doesn’t stop… Leenie Heart beats slower and faster and slower and faster… Last night my intention was to recap the week up to that point, but this morning alone has been more of the same… more of hearing my journey as a song… a melody that’s been in the works for more than a decade but instead of trying to write it by myself, I have opened to a divine orchestration that is better than anything I was trying to compose…

I may have to go back and update this post with links to newer posts with more details before this becomes even more of a risk for TLDR. And if you’ve made it this far, thank you.

Sooooooo to gloss over last week in no particular order so don’t even try to line it up like it’s on a calendar despite me saying this may sound like a “Dear Diary” post, hahaha:

• The Northern Flicker in this post’s pic is the first one I’ve seen here in The Hoodbridge, and I felt it was a sign. So yeah, I googled that shit. LOL Here ya go from AuntyFlo.com.
• I felt stuck in a rut, but yesterday (Wednesday) I received a message from one of the most thoughtful people I know. We don’t communicate often, but she followed her intuition and reached out to me. “You have been on my mind and heart and I think you need a push…” BOOM! I will have to share this attitude of gratitude in a separate post… See what I mean?
• I felt compelled to pull a Sacred Rebel card, which was “After the Storm” and it felt soooo inline with my ruts and rollercoasters as well as dealing with Mercury Retrograde and my need to get grounded.
• On Saturday I received the newest additions to Leenie’s Box o’ Rox, and if they had arrived a day earlier, I would not have appreciated them as much. They also have a role in me getting grounded.
• One day last week, a Facebook memory reminded me that I have been quietly following Christie Bailey from her days of pursuing a fitness dream to the present. THIS is definitely going to be its own focused post, so please stay tuned.
• On a related note, Christie started a new group this week, and I have already felt the connection with other members. Even this morning, I was participating on a thread, which led to me sharing one of my favorite scenes from Dawson’s Creek.

I feel like I have to wrap this up now because a new episode of Driving Chief Daddy and Conversations with Chief Daddy is happening this afternoon, but I’m going to leave you with the scene from the Dawson’s Creek finale. When it aired, it stuck with me and since then, it echoes here and there like a guidepost reminding me that all that I need is already within me. I just have to quit running from it. Lately it has clicked with trusting the divine tempo and orchestration of my song, my life.

• Joey describes running away from “it”… whatever your “it” is. The scene is about love and relationships, but “it” goes beyond…
• Pacey had told Joey that he let her off the hook, but he hits the nail on the head about timing and happiness and even run-on sentences. 😉

Oh! And if you read this and thought, “Damn… she FEELS a whole lot”, it’s because I do. And despite all the times my mom had said I lead too much with my heart, it’s always been my head that gets in the way. Leenie Heart is smarter than Leenie Brain. The heart always leads me on the best path.

Luceat lux vestra.

P.S. To my fellow grammarians, proofreaders, etc: It’s likely I’ve made typos and left mistakes in this post. I’m leaving them where they are. The time and place for fitting into formal writing isn’t this page. The point of the message is what matters… Better Beautiful than Perfect. 😉