Someone Else’s Needs

“Love is putting someone else’s needs before yours.” This scene from Frozen provides a simple and accurate definition of love.

This time last year, my family and I were catching our breath after Mommy’s funeral. Over the course of 2019, I’ve recognized various situations that verified Olaf’s statement. They go hand-in-hand with the idea of how “I love you” can be said in other words or through actions.

I admit that I feel uncomfortable when someone tells me, “You’re a good daughter” because of my role in taking care of my parents. I couldn’t figure out why it bothered me, but on Sunday, something clicked. I’m not only uncomfortable but also sad. What feels (for me) like the obvious course of action is regarded as a choice by others. I don’t even feel like it’s an obligation! They’re my parents, and I love them.

Chief Daddy likes to get on my case because I don’t go to church, so whenever I offer to drive him there, he says, “I thought you don’t go to church”. And I tell him, “I don’t, but I’ll go with you because I can just sit with you while you do what’s important to you.” And by some divine orchestration, I always seem to show up when I can relate to the readings.

The readings on Sunday, 29 December (click here) were in celebration of The Holy Family: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Mind you I paid little attention to readings as a child, so I doubt I even subliminally heard any messages and took them to heart. [By the way, why are kids the only ones allowed to eat snacks and sleep during church services? And shout out to all the infants, toddlers, and young children who made it through Mass without a peep! I’m too old to get away with throwing a tantrum!]

The second reading caught my attention when I heard the lector mention “compassion” and “patience”. A later verse also mentioned the somewhat controversial “Wives, submit to your husbands” but if folks would read beyond that, the advice to husbands is to “love your wives”. [I’ll have to do another post on this, but it’s about my position on how love is not unconditional in marriage.] I appreciated the rest of the verses about children obeying their parents, and parents not irritating their children. It all comes back to kindness.

I hadn’t noticed the first reading until I searched for the readings, but Sirach 3:12 spoke directly to me. “My son, take care of your father when he is old, grieve him not as long as he lives.” As a nonbeliever, I don’t take care of my father because the Bible advises it. Why do I do it? Because without my mother or father, there would be no Leenie.

My parents put their children’s needs before their own, and while my mom was dying and now while my dad continues to recover from his hospitalization, I’m living the example they set. It’s not an obligation; it’s not a choice. It’s love.

Luceat lux vestra.