Storytelling aka Blog

originally posted on 2011-05-01. This came to mind today while riding through traffic, and I’m glad I can look back and see how far I’ve come with being all-zen-and-shit.

I drive fast. I need a pace car. No, really. I need a pace car.

Yesterday, I was on my way to a massage appointment, and driving on the interstate for part of the trip there. I set out a little bit earlier than necessary, just to be more leisurely about driving there.

As I drove, I prepared myself by breathing and trying to be in the present (right, being in the present to prepare for the future, go figure!) I was aiming to be ready to, for at least an hour, let go of the things over which I get anxious and stressed out. (And yes, allowing myself to not get stressed out is a good place to start.) In dealing with the current reality, I experience stress. Harboring anxious thoughts during a massage, or even thinking ahead about what to do or where to go after I leave the spa, keeps me from achieving the stress relief that massage therapy is capable of accomplishing. It keeps me from being in the present. It’s not that the hour would be wasted, but it could be so much better if I allow myself for that hour to do nothing but be.

Of course, when you’re driving, you can’t have your head in the clouds or relax your mind too much. Mental alertness when operating a motor vehicle – yeah, that’s just kiiiiiiind of an important thing for safety of yourself and others. 

Okay, so yeah… there you go. When I’m in the driver’s seat, the only thing I need to be is the driver.

So there I was driving to being. I was in the left lane, approaching a car in the right lane that was going slower than me. In my mirror, I saw a truck, traveling faster than me, but I had enough time to pass the car, get over, and let the truck pass.

A couple of miles later, I caught up to a few smaller packs of vehicles, and as I passed a few and continued to catch up to others, I checked my mirror and saw an SUV catching up to me. With slower cars on the right and the SUV looking like it was prepared to run me down, I thought about three options:

• Pick up speed to stay in front of the SUV and keep passing the slower vehicles, going at the SUV’s pace, not mine
• Stay at my speed and get frustrated about the SUV driver trying to rush me (I wanted my pace, they wanted theirs – who gets their way?)
• Get over, slow down to the pace of the cars in the right lane, let the SUV pass at the driver’s hurried pace, then return to my pace

When I found a break between the line of cars on the right, I got into the right lane and let my foot off the accelerator a little bit. The SUV went by, and I returned to my own pace,  maneuvered to pass the car that I had settled in behind, and continued on my way.

And it clicked. In my crazy mind that sees everything as connected or metaphorical or paralleled, it was just like what happened the day that I had the clearest realization that the only thing certain is the moment.

The interstate. Everyone is heading to their own “somewhere I have to be.” Moving from point to point takes time. Some will barrel down a stretch of road; some will crawl down the same stretch; and others will go with the flow, adjusting to what’s around them. Eventually, everyone will get to their next “somewhere to be” at the pace they choose. And yeah, even if you choose to speed up or slow down to go with the flow, that’s the choice you made. Their pace becomes yours at least temporarily.

For me, my somewhere to be is here. Now. Sometimes when I feel like I’m about to get runover by something, I just need to be my own pace car, slow down, get over, and let it pass. Keep sight of driving to being. At my own pace.